Tick Tock Tick Tock

Everything feels as though it has been spiraling out of control lately. There isn't much that I have been able to do in order to get a handle on it when things start spiraling out of control. Today, my phone was temporarily suspended because I technically have no job and the people I'm "working" for now is not quite paying me anything at all. I had a few mental episodes the last couple weeks. One of which lasted 3 1/2 days that caused me to lose my job that I just started at. I don't know how much longer I can really keep this up for. Today, I applied for Disability because I have noticed that when I go out, I'm still constantly looking for signs of danger all around, it's like I can't relax. I've been becoming even more paranoid. At least there is only one positive side to it though. It's helped to create new ideas for stories but I'm having trouble concentrating so I can write.